it's been a shrug-n'-wrinkle-your-nose kinda weekend...

full-blown


disclaimer: the following is a series of rants and complaints partially caused by the author's low tolerance of people's moronic and pathetic behaviors, as well as the ongoing immense pain and emotional poopiness caused by PMS. the text you are about to read may be slightly longwinded, somewhat depressing or annoying, and even perhaps a little scarier than what you are used to reading; but please know that in the next week or so, once the pain and the cramps subside, and the bombarding feeling of being overwhelmed by too much responsibility has died down for the author, this blog will eventually return to its pseudo-regular normalcy. brace yourselves folks, this one's a doozy.

i haven't really been feeling like myself these past few weeks, and i think i've finally reached an emotional/physical slump. it's been a while since i've had just a completely dry, blah weekend. seemed like everything on friday was fine, until about 11pm when i just suddenly felt so... ugh. the past two days have been just on the downside, and i think the february blahs have finally caught up with me a month late. i'm not even sure why this weekend has just been so bum (which actually isn't true - of course having to deal with my body going through an unexpectedly painful PMS-overdrive does not help at all), but all my energy and motivation to do practically anything completely poofed out of existence this weekend. and right now i'm too tired to take a nap (if it's possible), and far too blah to be inspired to write anything academically sound. so i thought that maybe by writing this blog it would either make me tired enough to sleep, or stir up some motivation to do something productive.

my patience was tested on saturday when i was talking to a friend about his current love-life, or rather, lack there-of. as some of you know, i've somehow adopted the duty of being the "family therapist" of our circle of friends, and usually i'm more than happy to sit with them and hear their problems and help them move along in their lives. that's not where the problem comes in. the problem happens when someone wastes my time pining and whining about something and expecting me to give him the same advice - and KNOWS that i'm giving him the same advice, and just like in the other "sessions", completely lets everything go through one ear and out the other. and when he's dealing with stella on a not-so-friendly PMS-trip, it would have been better for him to avoid getting his head bitten off (not to be taken literally, of course, says the barber!)
let me introduce you to my biggest case study so far: for privacy sake, let's call him ringo (claudia, i'd like to thank you for the inspiration with the names! lol). ringo likes dingo (sorry folks, my creative ability to rename people has also gone down the drain), and has liked her for over a year now, except dingo has made it absolutely clear that she wants no romantic involvement with ringo. however, whether she realizes it or not, dingo has been taking advantage of ringo ever since ringo confessed his true feelings to her, asking him to do the most ridiculous tasks that she could probably do on her own - if anyone's heard diana krall's Peel Me A Grape, substitute Orange for Grape and add a little violent streak, and you have a pretty accurate picture of dingo's attitude towards ringo. and even despite the violent blows, the banshee-like screams, the name-calling, the insults that she voices out to ringo, he still pines for her love, and cannot accept seeing her with anyone else but him... ringo was telling me yesterday that he "thought that girls liked it when a guy didn't give up so easily on a girl" - i'm not sure what relationship manual he's reading, but there's a difference between not giving up and knowing when to quit - and if a girl starts beating up on you and insults you to your face on a regular basis, i would assume that those are obvious signs to quit... and on top of that, i'm not sure about other girls, but the girls i know, including myself find persistent guys quite annoying and easy to dislike, especially if we've already told them a flat-out NO. the last thing girls would appreciate (if at all) is a stalker and who can't take no for an answer. and in return, dingo shouldn't be milking it up because she knows that ringo would succomb to her every whim - she can't play the "if you loved me, you would..." card if she doesn't reciprocate those feelings back... yeesh. why is it that everyone outside of any relationship can see things so much more clearer than the people in the relationship? ugh.

this morning, i realized the ugliness that can result from mixing church and politics together. i'm going to spare everyone with the details of the whole situation, but nothing takes out the intimacy and joy from worship and fellowship like a bunch of mundane politics. i think that should be the last thing we should really be focusing on when we go to church. bureaucracy within the church walls interfering with the reason why we go to church in the first place is definitely something that i dislike with a passion - don't get me wrong, i fully understand that some sort of order needs to be put into place when it comes to running a church, but when it displaces people without any regard or warning, it doesn't feel so good - especially when it comes to juggling people around (ie: me) like it was a game of hot potato.

in ongoing stresses, things at home have been slightly taking its toll on me. without really breaking the borders of this being a public blog, let me just say that while every friday i'm reminded of why it's a little too much for me to come back home to 'sauga, every monday it gets harder for me to leave home and back to waterloo. it's an awkward feeling to be 24 and still have people keeping tabs on you, but at the same time, still be able to appreciate the simple fact that there's just no place like home.

... and if someone says one more thing about my weight or stresses how "important" it is for me to lose it, i think i am seriously going to break down.

yikes. if this is what i'm like during PMS, i can't imagine what it would be like for the the poor fool who marries me and has to put up with me when i'm actually pregnant. :oS