5 more weeks of undergrad ahead...

current mood:


well, today i kiss reading week goodbye... i was blessed with 10 days away from waterpoo, but how fast time flies. it's now only a matter of time before march creeps its "spring-like" self upon us, which means 5 more weeks of school. HOLY MOLY where did the time go?!

just checked my exam schedule - i've managed to luck out with one exam. after april 9, it's pretty much "so long undergrad!". however, this kinda dampens my plans on participating in the 30hr famine with my youth group... unless of course i just grin and bear with the hunger pains while writing about the hebrew prophets and their significance to biblical history - perhaps i'll be needing some divine intervention? :oP *sigh* but even with the simple joy of having just one exam to prepare for, there's still a whole bunch of other shtuff i gotta cram in before march 31, including class seminars, more fiction writing and editing, over 5000 words of essay-delight, sermon and church camp planning, and a whole lot more...

but on a brighter note, i received an e-mail from the head director at ViUS - the teacher-recruiters that looked after me in vietnam last fall. looks like in 2006 it'll be vietnam part deux from january to august pour moi. i'm quite excited! :oD

so this is what i have lined up for me in the next few months:

• march: muster up all my remaining energy and finish 4B
  
• april: write that sucker of an exam on the 9th and then speed off to moffat to join the rest of the hfbc youth for the 30hr famine, goof around in waterloo for a week or so (just because i can), and possibly fit in some weekend visiting plans to kingston and michigan in my not-so-busy-anymore schedule
  
• may: a little unwinding, a little chillin', turning into veggie tale status and being a pirate who doesn't do anything, except for a 1-2 week road-trip to the maritime provinces avec erin :o)
  
• june: attend convocation (cuz mommy and daddy say i have to!); plan, plan, and plan some more for our church family camp in july
  
• july: church family camp from the 15th-17th, followed by an adventurous trip to the PHILIPPINES starting on the 23rd
  
• august: come back nicely tanned and stress-free (and hopefully still single? lol) from the philppines on the 21st, send jandrew off to saginaw valley in michigan for university
  
• september: find a decent part-time/full-time job that i can occupy myself with until december - or at least long enough for me to get enough money for january and to pay off usual expenses
  
• october: hopefully still at the same part-time job i got in september
  
• november: hopefully still working...
  
• december: quitting my job gracefully, applying for teachers college or possibly a masters in education (?!), attending the joshua revolution 2005 conference with my youth group and chaperoning the younger folk
  
• january 2006: pack up my bags for yet nother teaching adventure in vietnam for at least 7 months
  

whew! dang. of course, somewhere in between i plan to make room for a whole bunch of chillin' like a villain and catching up on my sleep :o)

sumpin' tells me that these next 5 weeks are going to go by pretty quickly. and considering that reading and writing weren't much of an option this past week, and also realizing that i have another essay due tomorrow, back to the grind-stone i go!

geeks are sexy!

today i've realized that i have a thing for geeks - smart, intellegent, hot geeks with intense brainpower that make 'em so hot, they're on FIIIYYAAAAAH! :oP

earlier today, while in deep conversation with cirstina over white chocolate mochas at starbucks, we allowed ourselves to be transfixed on the topic of "prefixes" (yes, hurrah to the english majors!), specifically the prefix "con-" - as in context and construction. but then we became rather perplexed when exploring other vocabulary words that began with con- that didn't seem to work with its original meaning "with" or "to bring together", as in words like contrast, confuse, etc.

really. leave it up to us to entice ourselves with conversation topics revolving around punctuation and grammar ... (omigoodness, we're such dorks!) :oP

and then suddenly, out of nowhere, this rather good-looking fellow sitting at the table beside us paused from writing in his red hilroy notebook, and decided to join in on our discussion. when he spoke, it was eloquent, but not to the point where he sounded like a try-hard - it was more of a subtle nerdiness that i found quite attractive. i can't exactly remember what he said word for word, but it didn't matter, because both cristina and i were entranced by his words of wisdom. we were in complete awe and slightly smitten by his unexpected interest in our conversation - of course, the fact that he was really nice to look at helped a little too... hehe. sadly, it turned out that he was waiting for his girlfriend to get off work, but wowsers, was he ever cute!

*sigh* i now have a restored hope that there are still some decent, intellegent, friendly hot geeks left in this world :o)

one day, estelle... one day.

in other "non-geek-related" news, tonight i had the opportunity to check out york university's campus crusade for Christ weekly fellowship, where my brother and charlene attend every thursday. the testimonies and worship-time were wonderful. kinda makes me sad that my own schedule doesn't give me much opportunity to be more involved in the ccc at waterloo.

but overall, 'twas definitely a great day, full of good laughs, good times and super-awesome company :o)

and now, i blissfully wait for the effects of the white chocolate mocha to wear off... tee-hee :oP

another one.

Take Me Back
Estelle Gonzales

5AM -- the marching band starts.
Off-tune riffs of ‘Old Suzanna’ chase evil spirits
into the backdrop of the morning sunrise.

A Vietnamese funeral procession commences.

Mutterings of street vendors and xé ôm drivers soon flood the alley.
Taking their positions, they set out a keen eye
for the best customer with the highest price.

“Madame! Sir! Coconut? Motorbike? Only 10 000 Vietnamese đong!”

Schoolgirls in white aó dàis bring back a glimpse of tradition.
On bicycles they float amidst the sea of vehicles and smog
created by the angst of a nation that works so hard to not be left behind.

Cloud-like images are distorted in the thick smoke and exhaustion of the city streets.

5PM -- the sinh tô ladies set up shop.
Filling their kiosk shelves with rainbows of fresh mangoes, papayas and starfruits;
their warm smiles genuine, invite good profit.

Their secret ingredient is sweet condensed milk.

The sun wearily sets on the run-down cityscape of Saigon.
Deep hues of oranges, violets, reds and terra-cottas mingle in the sky,
pressed up against the eroded grey walls of this concrete paradise.

Conversations too far off in the distance to hear with my foreign ears.

5AM – reality jerks me.
Startled by a rude awakening so unforgiving;
runway lights irritate my eyes
as we land on white-infested asphalt.

“On behalf of Air Canada, we’d like to welcome you to Toronto.
Currently it is plus two degrees outside.
We hope you enjoy your stay.”

i miss it all...

hearing a familiar voice on the phone tonight only reminded me of how much of my heart i really did leave behind in ho chi minh city.

it was wonderful to hear your voice too...

never thought vietnam would have such an impact on me.

i want seconds.


at last glance: team vietnam ;o)

i love reading week!

"memories are a beautiful thing when you don't have to deal with the past."

Before Sunrise and Before Sunset are also great movies. :o)

man, i really want to go to europe now.

it's all about the ellipses...

Garden State is a great movie. :o)

my brother, the mac daddy?!

just came back from a youth rally hosted by liebenzell missions in toronto. our youth group was asked to lead worship, and it was awesome to finally have the full group together again - the quality and genuine-ness of the worship and fellowship tonight was definitely something we all knew we'd been missing for a long time.

hmm. i also couldn't help but notice a good number of teenaged girls under fifteen that took particular interest in my brother throughout the duration of the night, in a rather giggly-schoolgirl-crush kinda way. yes. my brother. haha. oy. don't get me wrong, i fully understand why my brother would be getting this kind of attention from girls - the looks, the talent, and the personality are all part of the gonzales charm ;oP - but seeing it rub off on these girls before my very eyes, from an older-sister perspective, was just... ergh. but nonetheless, it was amusing. :o)

and to add to the "interesting" happenings of the night, i finally had the chance to meet my brother's current "love interest" *cue psycho shower theme song* and from the rally till now, he just won't stop asking me what i thought of her. but holding myself true to being his older sister, i think i'll wait a bit more before i tell him what i really think, at least when i'm more awake (my clock tells me that it's way past my bedtime). besides, sometimes it's just fun to just to see him squirm :oP after all, what are big sisters for? :o)

hmm. i gotta hand it to you though, it's kind of a sad thing to be out-macked by my own little brother. ahh well. :oP

boo dentists...

while waiting for my brother at the dentist, i decided to amuse myself by going to the nearby dollerama and grabbed myself a caramilk bar. well aware of the fact that i just had my teeth poked, prodded, and scraped clean by my dentist, i decided to give into my tastebuds' cravings anyway.

there i was, standing in front of the dentist's office, suddenly hesitant about bringing that darned chocolate bar into the room. i actually felt guilty eating it in front of all those people. why? because at the dentist, eating a chocolate bar should be the last thing you should be doing... and aside from that, a part of me was afraid to look those hygenists in the eye while stuffing my face with sugar. just the thought of their frowning faces made me cringe. yeeesh.

so i remained outside, quite a distance from the office, sitting on a mall bench - just me and my caramilk - and waited until i completely finished it before going back into that office, wiping my mouth clean of any chocolatey evidence.

when i told my brother my story, he just laughed and told me i was a dork.

later at a gas station, he pulls out a crunch bar, looks at me, shrugs, and devours the entire thing in a matter of seconds.

it's refreshing to know that my brother is just as dork-like as i am. :oP

my new toy.

so, i come home from waterloo today and i wonder where everyone is in the house. all of a sudden i hear heavy panting coming from the basement. a little curious and somewhat frightened, i made my way down the stairs and found my mother... furiously walking at a ridiculously fast pace, sweat dripping from her forehead... on our brand new treadmill.

surprise! that's right. my parents bought a new treadmill for the family to enjoy. probably the twentieth time they've bought something fitness-related off the home-shopping channel - and not only does the NordicTrack C2000 provide you with fast fat-burning results, it also comes with RejuvenAire Aromatherapy fans to cool you down while you're breaking a sweat. *blank pause* this thing in my basement isn't just any treadmill - it's the honkin' mother of all treadmills!

the purpose: for the entire family (namely me) to shed a few pounds before my cousin's wedding. yeeesh.

i must admit though, it looks mighty fun to play with, what with all the pretty display buttons and settings (i wonder what "extreme challenge" is like :oP)... definitely something i can see myself using to pass the time i should be using to be academically productive :o) *tee-hee* ... excellent!

in other news, i've handed in my intent to graduate (AHH!), and we've booked our flight for philippines on july 23rd :o) yay! i can't wait!

let reading week begin!

mmmm...


an oldie but a goodie: "i can't dance", genesis

just sittin' here, double double in one hand, and a peanut butter cookie in the other.

life is fabulous.

for the first time this term, 392C was cancelled this morning. i could have slept in. but instead of running back to the comfort of my bed and catching up on much needed z's, i decided to tough out my wiredness and fill my one hour and a half gap with coffee, tea, and mandy :oP

in the evening, joyce (whose upcoming adventures in seattle i am slightly jealous of) and i welcomed reading week by enjoying a whole lotta mr. sushi goodness for dindin over awesome conversation that lasted till closing. we then dared to walk into hmv where there was a *gasp* SALE going on. while i managed to survive without increasing the hole inside my wallet, joyce on the other hand managed to escape with the moulin rouge dvd and best of red hot chili peppers cd for only a whoppin' $30 (pssst! be prepared to lend them both to me! :oP)

and what better way to end the opening ceremonies of reading week than having a late-night girls pow-wow over happy meals, fudge sundaes, and watching shall we dance? - which was quite the wholesome, feel-good dance-movie. *sigh* if only all men were as dashing as richard gere on their feet. dang. now i feel inspired to head back to the flying dog on thursday night. stella needs to get her salsa-groove on, baby! i'm currently looking for potential dance partners, so if anyone's interested, then just hollar! ;oP

so now i'm officially free! well, not completely - of course i'm in denial of the amount of reading and work i have lined up, but still i look forward to chillin' like a villain for the next ten days.

if any of you ppl are in the 'saugs sometime this week, then please feel free to join me in the festivities! i'm always up for an adventure or five :oP

knowing too much of something has its consequences...

February. It’s been nine months since the restraining order. Two hundred and sixty-seven days since I lost complete trust in the opposite sex. I often wonder whether change is a kind of disease, because it well should be – like a leprosy that gnaws away at your health, intelligence, and peace of mind.

I came home tonight and got into the elevator of my apartment. An hour later, I couldn’t recognize whose blood stains were all over my hands.

***

well, after a lot of thinking and frustration with unnecessary apartment drama, i finally found something to write my short story about. i only had to look as far as the room next door to be ... "inspired".

first, second, third and fourth opinions were all unanimous in saying that i really captured the mind of a psycho in my writing - and i'm still unsure whether to take that as a compliment or not. to be honest, i think this is the most disturbing piece of literature i've written yet. some definite oy-age is in order.

ergh. one more day until my reading week begins (the perks of being in arts in contrast to engineering :oP)... just one more day until i can be free from this drama poop and seek sanctuary for the next ten days.

hmm.

valentine's day was a quiet one this year. funny how the singletons of 134 columbia were gifted the most amount of chocolate and valentines :oP this year, i had the privilege of having erin as my hot valentine date, with whom i celebrated the day by watching yet another episode of Felicity, and later joining ed and claudia at milton's in kitchener for a nice quaint dinner filled with great conversation and good times. stuffing our faces with a few cupcakes and chocolates (courtesy of linda) afterwards led to a little difficulty fitting into our jeans... *burp* but it was good. :o)

happy heart day, everyone!

these past couple of weeks have had their share of "interesting" moments. thankfully, more good than bad.

here are just a few highlights worth illustrating:


claudia and me looking shnazzy at lunarfest


dynamic duo: trusty page-turner erin, and ryan the pianIST :oD


mini-casa alumni reunion (i've missed you guys!)


look! we're on camera! :oD


reppin' the 905, 416, and the 613 - crit bredren 4 LYFE! ;o)


nature nuts: jon (ze photographeur) and cris :o)


jared: "the water's GREAT! ... um. guys? i can't feel my feet!"


note to self: get a scrabble game dictionary :o)

lovely day.

feeling...


a few more kilometers added on my sentra's mileage, and cristina and i find ourselves in kingston for yet another a crit-tastic day-extravaganda chez jon et jared. numb bums and all, it was the kind of escape i was hoping for - exploring the street-scene of k-town, being humbled by a 13-year old girl on a dance-dance-revolution high, kite-watching, attempting to cross the icey surface of lake ontario, scrabble-mania over hot chocolate, and spending time with some awesome crit-folk. *sigh* not only did i happen to find one knight in shining armor, but i ended up with 3 :oD woohoo!

'tis a shame we couldn't stay for ong-bak and pizza goodness, though. perhaps one of these days when schedules become less hectic and homework/midterms become even less of a priority, we'll make a full weekend of it :o)

till then, at least for the next few days before i'm off for reading week (double woohooo!), it's time to hold my nose to the grind-stone and go completely whoop-ass on school shtuff.

... that is, if a few (read: everything + special features x 4) rounds of The Notebook don't get to me first :oP

but now, my body is telling me that i am pooped, thus i must sleep.
oh sweet, glorious sleep... :o)

unfortunately even good things come to an end...

i feel the need to vent.

perhaps i might have fooled myself into thinking my waterloo drama would subside and gradually disappear into oblivion this term. the once-considered "indirect" drama has apparently decided to take a direct hit to my patience.

unbelievable.

last year it was issues with roommates who unbearingly went "bump" in the night. after a little over a month, i see that even the best of times can crash and burn. looks like after today, this year is starting to take a more umm... violent turn on things.

sadly enough, the social harmony of 134 columbia seems to be falling apart.

i've never had to kick anyone out of my apartment before, but drastic times called for drastic measures - to say the least, i was far from impressed. the last thing we need in our apartment is yet another melodramatic crisis on our hands, especially during midterm season. in saying that, my tolerance for some people's immaturity and stupidity is about thisclose to zero.

this is not good. not good at all.

i'm actually a little scared to see what might happen if things don't change for the better. it just seems like no matter how hard i try to stay away from getting involved, i'm still the monkey in the middle somehow - at this point, i'm rather fed up with it.

... i need to escape for a bit - if anyone just happens to run into a knight in shining armor, please send him my way. i'm in serious need of rescuing. :oS

man, i love my brother.

sometimes a picture can be worth more than a thousand words... :oP

sweet procrastination

after watching halfway through the final season dvd box set of Fraiser, getting through two thirds of the third season of Felicity, and taking extended study breaks for bubble tea and random bursts of dance moves in my room, i think i'm finally ready to do some work. such a familiar tune, i know, but in the wise words of charlie brown, "I've developed a new philosophy... I only dread one day at a time."

... and it seems to be working just fine. :o)

***

wednesday night will be the annual lunerfest fashion show extravaganza at fed hall, where most of the asian clubs of UW gather together to celebrate their new year. i still haven't figured out how us filipinos managed to bypass this tradition, but since i seem to be going through a continual ethnic identity crisis, i thought i'd just "casually" blend in nicely with the festivities :oP

this year, claudia's asked me to perform again for the big fashion hoopla. the theme of my scene: bridal wear ... *cue suspenseful music - dumm dummm DUMMMMMMM*. initially, claudia suggested to me that i should wear a wedding dress for my performance to match the rest of the models who would be walking down the catwalk with their model-grooms. after i spent about 10 minutes freaking out at the idea of me in a wedding dress, claudia decided that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea afterall, and finally left the choice of wardrobe up to me. :o)

should be a good show though. to show my support for the asian groups of waterloo, this is now the time when i shamelessly promote it all:

... probably doesn't really help or change the fact that i have 2 midterms on thursday, and that i'll probably be spending the majority of my week justifying all-niters; but such is the life of an english major/rs minor with a 6-courseload. :oS you'd think that they would have at least warned me or something before i signed up for this gig. :oP

of course, i do realize that it's my own fault for procrastinating so much.

hmm. maybe i can still fit another episode of Fraiser before i go to bed. ;o)

and the beat goes on...

current state of being:


And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend...

-- from Norah Jones' Feelin' the Same Way

quite the catchy tune.

mmm. yay for great weekends.

sunny day
blue skies
walks in the park
fantabulous company
various onomatopoeia
and the wonderful art of procrastination

i'm all smiles.

:o)

ugh. some people.

just a little...


... earlier today, while at my friendly neighborhood loblaws, there was this slightly annoying couple behind me, who kept running back and forth, in and out of line, budding in front of people, assuming they would keep their places while out gathering their things. by the time they had found themselves behind me, it had probably been the sixth time that they had come back from "forgetting something". suddenly the woman's husband realizes he forgot to grab some apples, and wonders if it was worth it to run back to the produce area and grab some. we were only a metre or so away from the cashier's counter. the woman, then remembers she forgot to get milk. behind me i could hear them whispering, debating on whether it would be a good idea for both them to leave and then come back when they were already so close to the cashier's counter - again. her head peeked over my side rather snobbishly, followed by the following statement whispered to her husband in a very snide tone:

"it's okay honey. she doesn't look like she speaks any english."

if she had peeked around my shoulder again, she would have seen my eyes bulge out in complete shock and disrespect. but instead of turning around and proving them wrong by yelling out various outbursts of rather "impolite english slang", i bit my tongue and kept to myself ... until they budded RIGHT in front of me once returning from their quest for apples and milk. i looked back, and saw the rest of the line just glaring at them in disgust. even the cashier pointed out to them that i was next in line. the couple just exchanged looks (as if they didn't know) and finally stepped aside.

... which was when i turned back, and unexpectedly opened my mouth:

"my english is just fine, thanks."

the lady's jaw dropped, realizing her mistake.

"oh. i didn't know."

... to which i happily replied before grabbing my bags,

"that's okay... it doesn't look like you have any manners."

upstart 2005

tonight i had the pleasure of seeing some of UW's finest student-actors onstage in upstart 2005. among them was my fabulous roommate, miss erin dwyer, who nabbed the starring role in the student-written independent play, Kate Herself. she delivered quite an impressive performance so believable, that it almost compelled me to shed a tear or five. hats off to you, chica :o) ... when you win that oscar, please remember us little (read: heavily in debt) people *wink wink, nudge nudge* :oP

to celebrate opening night, we decided to watch yet another episode of Felicity - yep, this is what we've really been doing these past few weeks since school started. that's right.. pffft on school. of course, now that i've contentedly purchased the second and third seasons, and since we've only just started the second dvd of season two, there'll be plenty more nights of Felicity goodness ahead... such a shame it was cancelled - ugh! such a travesty, i tell you!

... but i think i've managed to get erin hooked on it too. ;o) muuuhahahaha!

tonight's favourite quote:

"It's just weird talking about B-list people... with an A-list guy."

-- Felicity Porter

*le sigh*

classic estelle.

current mood:


when i was about six years old, i had decided that i was invincible. i then thought it would be a brilliant idea to place my hand on the side of a burning pot that was sitting on top of a very-active stove burner.

... it seemed like a brilliant idea at the time.

18 years later, the fresh swelling and pulsating of my left hand's fingertips help me come to the conclusion that my intellegence hasn't changed much since i was six.

i am so smart. s-m-r-t.

more than just an analysis.

quite a few brain cells were sparked during my rhetorical criticism class today. after spending the majority of the one hour and a half class analyzing a toronto star article about Marcel Tremblay, the 78-year-old ottawa man who committed suicide last friday, it seemed to have left a slightly unusal and unsettling afterthought in my mind, even until now. before class ended, the prof asked us to write a response to the article - whether or not we thought Tremblay's actions were justifiable or not.

it took me a while to figure out what to write on paper... the article had left me baffled, which soon led to slight confusion, and perhaps may have even caused a slight struggle between my Christian beliefs and my own understanding of humanity.

i had been taught that suicide is wrong in God's eyes - and it's always made sense to me that to take your own life is a selfish decision, taking the "easy way out". it says in Galatians 6:7-8: "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life", meaning that by "playing God" with your own life, you would indeed be making a mockery of God.

but then there's the other side of the coin - being human, we have free will, and with free will, we have the choice to exercise it through the decisions we make in our lives. i tried thinking through Tremblay's perspective, and i felt a genuine sympathy and compassion towards his reasons for taking his own life. i tried to imagine what it would be like to be a frail 78-year-old man who had been fighting terminal lung complications, not knowing when he'd breathe his last breath, constantly worrying about how painful his last gasp of air would be, and to then think of how much of a burden he'd be to his family or friends while waiting for that day to come.

... and then i realized that i could never really place myself in Tremblay's shoes. his life-perspective would probably never be something i could understand.

as i continued to dwell on it, the sympathy and compassion that i was feeling gradually transformed into saddness and fear.

i'm not really sure where i'm going with this blog, because even now my mind is just a mesh of so many questions and thoughts that even i can't seem to organize into one set thought...

as for my response to the article - i'm still unsure. do i personally think that what he did was wrong? perhaps. were his actions justifiable? only God knows.

i guess sometimes it can be so easy to be suaded into seeing the the greys of this world, and forget that reality is as simple as black and white.

... just something to think about, i suppose.